“…share an idea with you, Mother. I would appreciate it if you’d let me say everything I need to say before you comment. This isn’t easy for me.” William sat stiffly in his seat looking down at his hands crossed over his abdomen. He knew he had to remain calm and cool like he’d seen his father do when he had to tell Denise something she didn’t want to hear.

“Yes, son. I can agree to that.” Denise removed her fingers from William’s knee and sat back in her seat.

On the outside, it seemed that nothing had changed in her demeanor. Inside, Denise’s mind and heart immediately began to race. What news was William bringing to her? He’d been withdrawn and moody for about three months. When she’d mentioned this to Emmanuel, he’d laughed it off and said, “He’s probably smelling himself. You know how boys get at a certain age. He’s just a jumble of raging hormones, and some little girl probably has his nose wide open. You won’t let him date for another year, something I told you I don’t agree with, so he’s probably just unhappy about being treated like a baby.” Denise had taken Emmanuel’s explanation and not pressed the issue, but she wondered now if William had been sneaking around with some girl behind her back and had an accident. Denise thought to herself, “If he tells me anything other than I’m about to be a grandmother, I think I can handle it.”

“Like I said earlier, I did feel badly about walking in on Naomi in the bathroom. I just wasn’t thinking, and I opened the door before I thought.” William realized he’d said “thinking” and “thought” back-to-back. He tried to ignore the redundancy, but it kept playing over and over in his head. He was hoping his mother didn’t get hung up on that and stop listening to him. She was relentless about good grammar. He needed to set his mother up perfectly to drive home his points.

“William, I know you didn’t walk in on your sister on purpose, but she’s very self-conscious about her body right now. That’s the only reason she’s so upset with you about it. I was going to make her apologize for bumping you with her shoulder like that, but I think you earned it a little bit, beloved.” Denise spoke to her son warmly. She tried hard to block out the redundant sentence he’d just spoken to her. She knew if she nit-picked his grammar right now, he’d just clam up and go to his room. She wanted to hear what he had to say, because something in the pit of her stomach told her she wasn’t going to be happy when he was done talking.

“How do you think I feel, Mother? I made her cry so hard. She was so humiliated. I wish I could take it all back, but I really had to “go.” Mother, we’re outgrowing this place.” William still kept his eyes on his hands.

“I’m doing the best I can, beloved.” Denise sensed that this conversation was going in a direction she wasn’t interested in going, but she just let it ride.

“Yes, Mother. I know. I think you’re doing a fantastic job. It’s just that I feel like a burden to you.” William finally looked into his mother’s face. He didn’t look into her eyes, though. He knew if they made eye contact, she’d see right through him. He focused on a point between her upper lip and nose.

“A burden, William? When have I ever made you feel like a burden?” Denise thought to herself, “What the hell is he up to?”

“Yes, Mother. You’re out there working so hard to support the family, trying to make up for Dad’s inability to help more, and I’m growing into manhood and unable to get a job and help out financially.” William dropped his eyes again, feigning shame. He’d chosen the financial point to try to get his mother to say a phrase that was key to getting him to his next point. If he’d paid close enough attention to the way his father had handled Denise, and if he knew anything about his mother, the financial angle would net him the reward he was looking for.

“William, have I ever asked you to do anything other than get excellent grades and help Naomi with the little ones? Do you really think I expect you to step up and be the man of the house?” Denise looked at the top of her son’s head, because that was all he would show her. William heard bells and whistles going off in his head. She’d said the perfect phrase: man of the house.

“That’s the thing, Mother. I want to be a good man, a strong man, and you can’t teach me that. I need my father to teach me that.”

“OUT OF THE QUESTION, WILLIAM!’ Denise popped from her chair  and started pacing when she realized where he was going with the conversation. She couldn’t contain herself, even though she’d given William her word that she’d hear him out. She thought she would come unglued mentally if she heard him make the statement she knew was on his mind.

“Mother, please sit down. You agreed to hear me out before you gave your comments.” William remained cool and calm, like he’d seen his father do when dealing with Denise.

“No, William, no. The answer is no.” Denise kept pacing, but she lowered her voice, even though it had an anxious edge.

“Mother,” William said calmly, “you haven’t even given me a chance to say what I want to…”

“I DON’T WANT TO HEAR WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY, WILLIAM! I KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY! PLEASE DON’T DO THIS, SON, PLEASE! If you say it, I…please, son…please don’t go there.” Denise continued to pace and now she was hugging herself, arms wrapped so tightly under her breasts William thought she might crack a rib.

“Mother, please. I’m not trying to hurt you. I love you. You’ve done such a good job raising me to this point, but…”

“No, William, please don’t do this.” Denise couldn’t hold it together anymore. She burst into tears and William rushed to his mother. As angry as she was with him at that moment, and as much as she didn’t want him to touch her, she let herself sink into her oldest child’s arms. He was tall and broad like his father but with a slighter build than Emmanuel. She’d dreaded this day since he was born. She knew it would come, but she never prepared herself for it.

Denise thought that right now, in this moment, it was a blessing and a curse to have children who were well-educated and who knew how to use reason and logic to communicate. It was a blessing and a curse to have fostered open communication with her children all these years and have them be comfortable enough with her objectivity that they came to her about anything and everything. Denise had several years before lost the ability to say “because I said so” to William and Naomi, because she had encouraged them to respectfully question her directives and share their points of view and expect to be taken seriously and offered substantive information. It was all back firing on Denise right now.

“William, I’m going to let you say what you have to say, but I’m going to tell you this, so you’re very clear.” Denise was still leaning into her son.

“Yes, Mother. I’m listening.”

“Son, this is a line you cannot cross back over. You can never take back the words you’re about to speak to me in the next few seconds. Please, son, please think very hard about whether this is a line you want to cross. I’m not saying it’ll change my love for you, but think about how deep a wound this is going to leave on our relationship if you must make this point.” Denise backed away from William, still hugging herself, and looked up into his face. William finally looked into his mother’s eyes, and he saw the pain he was causing her. He did think for about three seconds and plowed ahead.

“I’d like to go live with my father,” he said in a rush of words. He didn’t notice a change in his mother’s face, but he saw something in her eyes raze. He felt himself panicking inside, but his face didn’t betray him. He looked steadily at his mother. He had to maintain his resolve. He braced himself for his mother’s next wave of tears, but they never came.

“You may not go live with your father.” Denise spoke crisply and with a sense of finality. She stepped further back from William, dropped her arms to her side and squared her shoulders. She matched her son’s gaze.

“Mother,” William began slowly, “with all the respect that is due you, and I concede you are owed and have all my respect, you can’t stop me from discussing this matter with my Dad.” William watched his mother’s eyes begin to blaze. His resolve was weakening by the moment. Denise was determined not to fall apart again. She knew William was right. She couldn’t stop him from going to Emmanuel with his request, and she couldn’t really stop William from moving out, but she just didn’t want to see her baby go. She hurt so badly, but she couldn’t make her case based on emotion. She couldn’t guilt him into staying. She knew he would only come to resent her and become more and more withdrawn and start taking it out on his brother an sisters.

They stood in silence looking at one another; both determined not to flinch first. They both jumped when they heard the phone ring. Neither moved to get it. After four rings, the phone went silent. They both assumed the call went to voicemail. A few seconds later, the door to Naomi’s room opened, and she saw her mother and brother in their dueling stances. Naomi almost retreated back into the room and closed the door, but the caller on the other end of the phone had been insistent.

“Excuse me,” Naomi said.

“Yes, beloved,” Denise responded very calmly and without taking her eyes off William. William continued to face down his mother, also.

“Mother, there’s a lady on the phone who insists on talking with you. I told her you were busy, but she said she must speak with you.” Naomi, standing as close to her door as possible holding the cordless phone unit, felt akward relaying the information in the midst of this showdown, neither her mother or brother willing to concede anything to each other.

“Ask who it is, Naomi,” Denise said still staring at William who was still staring at her. Denise saw that William’s brow was starting to moisten. She smiled inwardly.

“May I ask who’s calling, please?” Naomi spoke into the receiver. After asking the question, Naomi finally realized she had been silent too long, because it prompted Denise to ask her about the caller.

“Who is it, Naomi?” Denise and William were still eye-to-eye.

“Mother, she says you don’t know her, but she’s a friend of Dad’s.” Naomi rocked back and forth from her heels to her toes. She had a feeling this wasn’t good. This caused Denise to break her focal point.

“Excuse me. Did she give you a name?” Denise looked at Naomi.

“Za…Za…,” Naomi put the phone back to her ear and mouth to ask the woman to repeat her name. “She says her name’s Zavari, Mother, and she’s a friend of Dad’s.” Naomi realized her mother was now staring at her with the same gaze she had had trained on William; almost like she couldn’t believe this was her life. Without looking away from Naomi, Denise spoke.

“William, go to your room, and we’ll finish this conversation when I’m done with this call. Naomi, hang up the phone when I pick up in the kitchen.” Denise looked back and William who hadn’t moved. She gave him her best “you better do what I tell you to do and do it now” glare. After a few moments, he complied.

Once William was moving off toward his room, Denise moved toward the phone in the kitchen. She picked up the cordless phone unit and held it to her ear and mouth for a few seconds.

“Hang up the phone, Naomi.” Denise heard Naomi click off the line.

“Good night, Mother,” Naomi said quietly, with obvious disappointment in her voice, as she disappeared back into her room. Denise looked at the clock and realized it wasn’t Naomi’s bedtime yet. Her daughter knew her well enough to know that Denise wasn’t going to be in the mood for any more talking after this phone conversation was over.

“Yes, this is Denise. Zavari, is it? How may I help you?”

———-

This is Installment #8 of “The Pride.” If you missed the beginning, go to “The Pride: From the Beginning” to start at the first installment.

———-

Copyright© 2009, Faydra D. Fields, All rights reserved.

“What’s wrong with your face?” Denise walked through the front door of her apartment and Naomi was the first person she saw, as usual.

“Nothing,” Naomi said hoarsely. She was wiping down the glasstop dining area table and trying to avert her face from her mother. Naomi had cried so much and so hard before and during her conversation with William earlier that day that the openings of her eyes were just slits surrounded by puffiness. She’d tried hot and cold compresses to make the swelling go down, but nothing helped. Naomi was hoping her mother would come home much later and she would be in bed before she would have to answer questions.

“Naomi. Really. It’s been a long day. I know you better than you know yourself. Why have you been crying?” Denise placed her purse and keys on the table by the door and sat her briefcase in front of the table. She turned when she heard heavy feet padding into the room.

“Naomi, I said I was sorry. Mother, I told her I was sorry. I embarrassed her. I walked in on her in the bathroom.” William winked at his sister with the eye Denise couldn’t see. The front of his shirt, hands and arms were wet. He was bathing Benjamin and Sarah, and he’d rushed out of the bathroom when he heard Denise questioning Naomi. Naomi was a horrible liar, and he was certain Denise would lose her mind if Naomi told the truth. He had hurried to his sister’s rescue.

“William, we’ve talked about this. When the bathroom door is closed, you knock.” Denise put her hands on her hips and looked sternly at her son.

“Yes, Mother. I know. I wasn’t thinking. I apologized to her, like, 100 times. That’s one of the problems with having five people in a two-bedroom apartment with one bathroom,” William said as he threw his hands in the air in mock frustration. Naomi wondered why he felt it necessary to talk about the size of the apartment, but she had a sneaking suspicion William had been planning this ruse to further his own agenda. Naomi filed her feelings about his statement away in her mental rolodex. Denise turned her attention back to Naomi.

“What did William walk in on you doing in the bathroom that would get you so upset that you’d cry so hard that your eyes are almost swollen shut?” Denise sat in one of the chairs at the dining area table and began removing her sling-back pumps.

“I…I.” Naomi couldn’t think of a plausible lie. William came to her rescue again.

“She had on one of your bras and was putting tissue in it,” William blurted. Naomi’s eyes grew huge and she looked at her brother with astonishment. Her mouth agape, she couldn’t even fathom how to respond to that.

“WHAT?!?!” Denise shrieked with wide-eyed amusement. She threw her head back and laughed like it was going out of style. Naomi crossed her arms over her flat chest and pretended to be totally insulted. William joined in the laughter. Naomi’s radar was working overtime now.

“I tried to tell her it was nothing to be embarrassed about, but she cried and cried.” William wiped his hands on the front of his shirt.

“Oh, baby, I’m sorry to laugh at you,” Denise said between hearty chuckles, “but it’s only funny because I remember doing the same thing with my mother’s bra. Come here.” Denise reached out her arm and extended a hand to Naomi. Naomi came around the table and took Denise’s hand. William went back into the bathroom to finish bathing the little ones.

“Mother, I can’t believe you were ever as flat as me when you were my age. I’m never going to have breasts and hips. All my friends are developed and I still look like a boy.” Naomi sat in her mother’s lap, and Denise put her arms around Naomi’s thin waist.

“Sweetheart, my breasts and hips didn’t start developing until I was in my second year of college. I was a late bloomer, and you take after me.” Denise rested her head on Naomi’s back as she talked lovingly with her daughter. For Naomi, William’s fib had been a bonus. She got to sit with her mother and talk about girl stuff. Naomi knew that as soon as the little ones were bathed, dried, powdered, greased and clothed in their pajamas, they’d be competing with her for Denise’s attention.

No sooner had Naomi finished the thought than her naked little brother and sister bounded out of the bathroom with William bringing up the rear.

“Come back here, you two!” William was holding a towel and trying to catch Benjamin and Sarah before they left a trail of wet footsteps from the bathroom to the dining area. He wasn’t fast enough.

“Mother! Mother!” Benjamin and Sarah reached Denise and Naomi before William could get past the coffee table and over to the dining area table. Denise opened the arms she had around Naomi and hugged all three of the children at the same time.

“My mushy-wet, little munchkins,” Denise exclaimed and flashed a dazzling smile at Benjamin and Sarah. Naomi was forced to smile, as well. Even though she wanted her mother to herself, she understood how much her little brother and sister missed Denise, too. Besides, Benjamin and Sarah would be going to bed soon and Naomi and William would have a couple of hours before their bedtime, and they could spend some time with Denise then, if she wasn’t too tired and/or didn’t have too much work. William actually demanded much less of Denise’s time these days, so there was a good chance Naomi would have Denise alone again and they could finish their discussion. Naomi wanted to talk to her mother about getting a training bra.

“How was your day, Mother?” William dried the little ones off right in the dining area. He knew it was fruitless to try to get them back in the bathroom, plus it was nice for them to all be there in the same space. His mother was smiling, Naomi was feeling special sitting on Denise’s lap, and the little ones were still and letting him dry them off. They all were quiet waiting for their mother to speak. Naomi didn’t look around at her. She trained her eyes on William, who purposely avoided her stare. She knew he was up to something. She couldn’t forget what she’d seen in that letter on his desk.

“Oh, son. It was a busy and long day. I think I have the most challenging boss on the planet.” Denise was enjoying having her children all around her. She especially liked the fact that she’d gotten home early enough for the little ones’ bath night. That meant that William wouldn’t be hiding in his room, because it was his responsibility to make sure Benjamin and Sarah were bathed every other night, because Naomi was busy with the rest of the household responsibilities.

“Mother, Naomi is too bossy,” Sarah said through the towel that William had placed over here head to dry her hair.

“Why do you say so, my beloved?” Denise furrowed her brow and feigned sincere concern. She knew exactly what Sarah was going to say.

“She makes us do homework and put away our toys and eat yucky vegetables. Right, Benjamin?” Sarah wiggled her head out of the towel and looked at Benjamin. Benjamin, always so shy and quiet looked at Sarah, then Naomi, then his mother and back to Sarah.

“The vegetables were good tonight,” he said in a quiet voice.

“See, Mother. Benjamin thinks she’s too bossy, too,” Sarah asserted as she put her hands on what would be hips one day. Denise stifled a laugh, and put on her most serious face.

“Sarah, I’m sorry you think Naomi is too bossy, but she’s only telling you to do what I told her to tell you to do. Are you doing what Naomi tells you to do?” Denise watched Sarah nod her head up and down.

“Mother, Sarah always does what I ask her to do. She’s a very good girl,” Naomi chimed in, leaving off the fact that  Sarah complained every step of the way. Naomi knew her mother already knew that part.

When Naomi had brought this complaint to Denise before, she had asked Naomi to be extremely patient with Sarah. Denise explained to Naomi that Sarah had a different personality than her other three children. Denise didn’t want Naomi to try to break Sarah’s spirits, but she did want Naomi to find a way to get Sarah to comply. Her children had to work together. They had to help Denise raise them. That was all there was to it. She didn’t like leaving her older children in charge and responsible for the little ones, but someone had to make up the income that their father just wasn’t able to provide.

As her children’s father, Emmanuel gave all he could and all the time. Even as generous as he was with his money and time, he was spread thin with taking care of his other children, as well. Denise couldn’t fault him for his career choice either. He’d taken a lower-paying job with his company that not only allowed him to meet his financial obligations to all his children, but it also afforded him the ability to make his own hours so he could attend his children’s activities and bear some of the carpooling responsibilities.

“It’s bedtime, munchkins.” Denise kissed both Benjamin and Sarah, who pouted and whined, but they obeyed and followed William out of the dining area to the back of the apartment.

“Mother, Sarah is becoming more and more difficult. Benjamin does everything without complaining, but Sarah is really challenging me more and more.” Naomi got up from her mother’s lap and sat in the chair next to her.

“I know, my beloved, I know. I just need you to continue to be patient with her. I know it isn’t easy, especially when even William does what you say, but Sarah’s a…”

“different personality. Yes, Mother, I know.” Naomi finished Denise’s sentence but not in a disrespectful way. They both smiled.

“You’re going to have to deal with all types of people, Naomi. It doesn’t hurt to start practicing how to get along with all those different personalities now. Look at it this way. If you can keep Sarah in line, you should be able to keep anyone else in line. It’s the people who know you well that give you the hardest time when you’re in charge. Remember that part in the Bible where Jesus goes back to preach in his hometown? I mean, He was Jesus, the Son of God, the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords…”

“Yes, Mother,” Naomi said with a giggle, “I get your point.” Naomi and Denise exchanged more warms smiles. They both turned to look at him when William came back in the room.

“Mi-Mi, the little ones want you to read them a story,” William said to his sister without meeting her eyes. Naomi didn’t move.

“I’m talking with Mother. Can you read them a story?” Naomi didn’t want William to talk with Denise. William still wouldn’t look at Naomi. Instead, he looked at Denise.

“Mother, I’d like to run something by you that I want to talk with Dad about. I’d like to have your opinion first, if you don’t mind.” William again purposely avoided Naomi’s stare. Naomi’s heartbeat quickened as she realized how he’d used her to set up this talk with their mother.

“Go on, Naomi. Read to the little ones for me while I talk to ‘the man’ here.” Denise was happy to be included in her son’s life about anything these days. In recent months he’d grown distant and withdrawn. The fact that he was asking her advice on anything made her want to give him her full attention.

Naomi stood up and walked toward William who walked toward her. As they met to change places, Naomi bumped him hard with her shoulder. William didn’t even break stride, nor did he once look at Naomi. When Naomi got to her bedroom door, where she knew Benjamin and Sarah would be waiting, she looked over her shoulder and saw William sitting in the seat that she’d just vacated. Their mother was still smiling.

“Tell me something good, my beloved.” Denise touched her son’s knee and smiled lovingly at him.

As she closed the door to her room, Naomi heard William clearing his throat.

“I’d like to…,” William was saying as Naomi closed the door.

———-

This is Installment #7 of “The Pride.” If you missed the beginning, go to “The Pride: From the Beginning” to start at the first installment.

———-

Copyright© 2009, Faydra D. Fields, All rights reserved.

“When are they coming to fix the air conditioning? This fan isn’t doing anything but making a lot of noise and blowing hot air around the room.” Regina had to speak loudly to be heard over the fan oscillating in the kitchen.

“The guy said he’d be here first thing in the morning. I can’t wait. I took the little window unit out of my room and put it in Xavier’s room so he doesn’t wither away from the heat. His little body is all broken out with heat rash. When he cries, I want to cry, too.” Xavari was sitting at the kitchen table and her sister was standing behind her styling Xavari’s hair into cornrows.

“Did you remember to put that part of the crib that slides down back up after you changed him? I remember that one day you forgot and Xavier rolled out onto the floor. One minute I’m talking to you. The next minute we hear this thud.” Regina laughed as she recalled the sound of Xavier dropping to the big pillows Emmanuel had placed right next to the baby’s crib for just such an occurrence. Xavari didn’t laugh. She was remembering the chewing out that she had received from Emmanuel for being so careless.

“Regina. Even when Xavier’s 50 years old, that’s not going to be funny to me. My baby could have hurt himself badly.” Xavari was annoyed that Regina always recalled that incident with such amusement.

“Girl, please. Babies are more resilient than we give them credit for. Besides, Manny was well-prepared for it. Nothing happened to your baby, so get over it.”

“Whatever. I just don’t think it’s funny.”

“Whatever. If you weren’t so proud, you would have had a new crib for Xavier, instead of that ol’ raggedy thing you got at the thrift store, but you didn’t want Daddy to buy you anything for this hole in the wall. Um. I don’t know why you didn’t just stay at Daddy’s instead of moving into this roach motel of an apartment building,” Regina teased as she worked on a braid.

“I just needed my own space. I got tired of Daddy trying to tell me how to raise my child. It was like he thought since he was paying the bills, buying the food and putting clothes on our backs, he could just run me,” Xavari spoke loudly to be heard over the fan.

“Well, yeah, duh. He was footing the bill, so you have to deal with his rules. You know how Daddy is.” Regina was using the spiked end of the rat-tail comb to part Xavari’s hair so she could start another braid.

“Yeah, I know how Daddy is. That’s why I had to get out of there. He was driving me up the wall.” Xavari closed her eyes and tried to concentrate away the pain in her scalp.

“I can’t blame you for that. It’s why I couldn’t wait to get married, but now what are you going to do, Xavari?”

“Ow! Could you quit pulling so hard? My scalp is sensitive!” Xavari hunched down in the chair to try to move away from Regina’s hands. Regina kept a firm grip because she didn’t want the braid to get twisted.

“Look, I can’t help it if you’re tender-headed. Stop squirming and sit still or this braid is going to be all zigzag, and you ain’t Allen Iverson.” Regina put two fingers of each hand on either side of Xavari’s head and positioned it so she could finish the braid.

“What do you mean ‘what am I going to do’? What can I do?” Xavari squinted her eyes and hiked her shoulders up to her ears to try to lessen the pain of having her hair slowly pulled from her scalp into another cornrow.

“Quit squirming, Zee, or I’m going to leave your head half-done. Why do you do this every time? You’re the one who wants these tiny little cornrows, and you know what I have to do to make it look right. It wouldn’t hurt so bad if you let me make them a little bigger,” Regina said as she smiled behind Xavari’s back and pulled just a little harder to make Xavari squirm even more.

“Ow! I know you don’t have to pull that hard, girl! Regina, can we take a break? I feel like you’re going to pull my eyes into the back of my head,” Xavari asked with exasperation.

“Let me finish this one, and I’ll let you take a break.” Regina eased off the braid a bit. She finished it and put a faux cowry shell on the end.

“Whu! Cheese and crackers! How much more do you have to go?” Xavari felt around her head to see how much loose hair was left unbraided. She frowned when she realized Regina wasn’t even halfway done and her frown deepened when she looked over at the fan. It was just whirring away, making a lot of noise, but it wasn’t shooting out any cool air.

“Answer my question, little girl. I want to talk about this before your man gets home.” Regina spoke to Xavari over her shoulder as she washed the grease off her hands in the kitchen sink.

“Emmanuel doesn’t live here,” Xavari retorted.

“He has a key and you let him come and go as he pleases, so he lives here, even if it ain’t fulltime,” Regina shot back.

“Whatever. He didn’t say he was coming over, so I don’t expect to see him for a few days.” Xavari realized she was a little bitter about that.

“Girl, please, you don’t know when you’re going to see that man.” When Regina turned around from the sink, Xavari had her eyes closed and she was resting her head on her arms on the table. With excitement in her voice, Regina said, ”Oh, hey, Emmanuel.” Xavari whipped her head up from the table and looked behind her to view the empty door frame. Regina laughed.

“You punk. You play too much.” Xavari tried not to register the disappoint on her face that she felt in her heart. She always got excited when Emmanuel came by. She was pretty sure she wasn’t going to see him tonight, though. He usually called to let her know when he was going to be stopping by.

“Little girl, what are you going to do,” Regina asked again. She was drying her hands on a dish towel.

“What do you think I’m going to do, Gina? It’s not like I have any choices,” Xavari snapped.

“Yes, you have choices. You just don’t want to admit you have choices.” Regina sat across the kitchen table from her sister.

“I’m not having an abortion, so I don’t have any other choice, Gina.” Xavari wouldn’t look at Regina. She put her elbow on the table and rested her cheek on her fist.

“Xavari. You are 19 years old, and you’re about to have another baby with a man you say doesn’t want to marry you and what’s worse is you don’t want to marry him. I can’t believe you didn’t learn from my mistakes. You know how disappointed Daddy was when I got pregnant the first time. I thought the man was going to have a stroke the second and third time I got pregnant. You watched me give up high school, friends, parties, the prom, graduation, the senior class tri…”

“I know, I know, but it’s different for me. I graduated from high school. I’m in college,” Xavari said with an attitude.

“For now. What are you going to do when you’re too sick or too tired to go to class?” Regina gazed steadily at the top of Xavari’s head, because Xavari refused to look at her.

“I won’t be too sick or too tired. I’m going to finish college. I have to finish college. If I don’t, I won’t be able to get a decent job or…”

“Xavari, listen at yourself. You don’t know what’s going to happen during this pregnancy. Remember what you went through when you were carrying Xavier? Your body hasn’t recovered from that pregnancy, and now you’re pregnant again. You’re going to have two kids in diapers at the same time and…”

“JUST LIKE YOU DID!” Xavari yelled at Regina and shot up to her feet. Regina got up, too.

“YES, XAVARI, JUST LIKE I DID, AND YOU THINK YOU’D HAVE LEARN NOT TO BE JUST LIKE ME!” Regina’s fists were balled at her sides and she was breathing heavily. Xavari was in the same stance on the other side of the table.

“I’M NOT GOING TO BE LIKE YOU, BI…!” Xavari stopped herself before the “ch” sound escaped her lips.

“I wish you would,” Regina growled at Xavari. Neither one of them breathed for a few seconds. The only sound in the kitchen was the oscillating fan. Their eyes were locked as though they were playing the staring game they used to play as children to see who would blink first. Xavari conceded. She crumpled into the chair directly behind her and broke down in tears.

“Oh, God, how could I let this happen again? I don’t want another baby right now!” Xavari covered her face with her hands and sobbed like a woman who was mourning the death of a child, not a woman giving life to a child. Regina felt a lump in her throat and tears starting to well up in her eyes. She hurried around the table and put her arms around her sister. She spoke softly and comfortingly to Xavari.

“Hey, little girl. It’s going to be OK. We can deal with this. Xavari, you don’t have to have this baby. Have you told Emmanuel?” Regina rocked Xavari to calm her down. Every few seconds the warm air from the fan blew on them as it oscillated from side to side.

“No, but I think he suspects that I am,” Xavari replied into her sister’s neck.

“Xavari, you don’t have to have this baby. Women have abortions every day. It’s not that big of a deal,” Regina said as she gently pushed Xavari away from her and wiped Xavari’s eyes with the flat of her hand.

“Regina, how can you say it’s no big deal? You’re asking me to murder my child.” Xavari looked into her sister’s eyes for the first time since they’d started the discussion about the pregnancy.

“Xavari, it’s not murder. Don’t think like that. It’s an alternative to having a baby you don’t want.” Regina’s voice was compassionate but firm.

“How can you say that? The Bible says that God knew everyone of us before we were even formed in our mothers’ wombs. I don’t care about all this “when does life begin” crap that the scientists and politicians are spouting. If God knows us before we’re formed in our mothers’ wombs, abortion is murder.” Xavari wiped her nose with the heel of her hand and then reached for a napkin from the napkin holder in the center of the kitchen table.

“That’s not how I see it, Zee.” Regina walked back around the table and sat again in the chair across from Xavari.

“Well, that’s the way I see it. God says He won’t forgive the shedding of innocent blood. I’m not having an abortion, Gina. That’s out. Besides, Emmanuel would lose his mind if I had an abortion. I’m having my baby, and that’s all there is to it.” Xavari crossed her arms over here breasts and looked evenly at her sister.

“Well, you can forget school, because you’re not going to make it through this year.” Regina crossed her arms over her breasts, too, and rolled her eyes at Xavari.

“Yes. I will. Why do you have to be so negative?”

“I’m not being negative. I’m telling you how it’s going to be. You’ll do good for a while and then you’ll have to withdraw, because you forget Xavier has to be dealt with, too.”

“Look. I know it’s not going to be easy, but I can do this. I need you to do me a favor, though.” Regina uncrossed her arms and placed her hands on the table.

“What, little girl.” Regina looked at Xavari with an unsmiling smirk on her face.

“Don’t tell Daddy, and whatever you do pleeeeaaase don’t let Emmanuel find out yet.” Regina opened her mouth to respond, but before she could get any words out, Emmanuel appeared in the kitchen doorway.

“Don’t let Emmanuel know about what?” Emmanuel stood there with a blank look on his face and Xavier on his hip.

———-

This is Installment #6 of “The Pride.” If you missed the beginning, go to “The Pride: From the Beginning” to start at the first installment.

———-

Copyright© 2009, Faydra D. Fields, All rights reserved.

Emmanuel

What can I say?

I love children and I love women…

…in that order.

I live for my children, and I don’t have enough of them yet. I’m thinking about stopping at 20 or 21…

…children, that is.

I’m 35. I figure I want to get them all “made” before I turn 40 and then spend the next 40 to 50 years watching them, and all my grands and great-grands, and probably my great-great-grands, grow up. I think I have time on my side. All my grandparents are still alive and kicking. So are my parents. Barring a tragic accident, I should be able to make it into my 90s before I leave this bad, old world…knock on wood.

You should see my babies. Every one of them looks just like me. I couldn’t deny any of them if I wanted to, and I never would. The only thing they got from their mothers is skin tone. They’re all shades; from high-yellow to dark-brown and every shade in between. They are so beautiful. I have pictures of every one of them plastered everywhere in my cubicle at work. People who don’t know think some of them are my nieces and nephews. They’re floored when I tell them they’re all mine. I get the usual silly questions:

“Do they all have the same mother?”

“You starting a little league team?”

“Did you start making babies when you were 9?”

“Which one is your favorite?

“How can you afford all these kids?”

“I bet you do more with the boys than the girls, don’t you?”

“Can I borrow a few of them at tax time?”

It doesn’t matter to me what people say or think. I love my children, I take care of my children, and I know and spend time with all my children. I was at every birth, my name is on every birth certificate, and they all have my last name. I go to every play, athletic event, recital and preschool, kindergarten and sixth-grade graduation that I’m physically able to make it to. When it’s necessary, I take them and pick them up from their schools, doctors’ appointments and practices. It’s not a burden or any trouble. You make time for the things you want to make time for, and my children come before anything or anyone else. My parents taught me that. My parents are the reason I’ve always wanted a big family.

See, I was an only child, but my mother and father both had lots of brothers and sisters. Interestingly enough, they’re both from the same itty, bitty town and they’re both the oldest of all their sisters and brothers. I actually have aunts and uncles who are about the same age as me. The entire time I was growing up, one aunt or uncle from either my mother’s side of the family or my father’s side of the family moved in with us, stayed awhile and then moved on. When that aunt or uncle left, it seemed like another one took his/her place. The best times for me were when an aunt or uncle brought their sons or daughters with them. Then I had live-in playmates. Being an only child, I enjoyed having people to play with. My parents were very protective, and they didn’t allow me to go to other people’s houses and no one could come in our house. I played with a few neighborhood kids in the front yard, but they wouldn’t stick around for long. There was only so much you could do in one tiny front yard, and they opted to go ride bikes and play at the nearby park, which I wasn’t allowed to do unless my mother or father were able to go with me.

My best memories of childhood were the four weeks in the summer where I’d get to go to my grandparents’ homes. I’d spend two weeks with my mother’s parents and two weeks with my father’s parents, and there’d be cousins and aunts and uncles everywhere! We’d get up at the butt-crack of dawn to do chores on the farm, and then we’d play until the sun was simply a crescent on the horizon. I wasn’t restricted to a patch of grass in the front yard. We went everywhere; all over the farm, the creek, the woods, the store across the railroad tracks, the movie theatre in town, everywhere! We’d sit around the long table and eat and talk and laugh and just have a good ol’ time being together. We had our fusses and fights, too, but they were nothing compared to the good times we had. I’d go into a state of depression whenever it neared the time to go back home.

I remember one summer right after dinner, and the day before my parents were supposed to come get me, I ran into the woods and climbed a tree. I resolved in my young mind that they weren’t going to take me home, where I had no one to play with. I was young and dumb enough to believe they’d come, look around for a while and then leave without me. Instead, everyone panicked when they all realized I wasn’t sitting in the living room watching television with all the other children. From my perch, I heard voices yelling my name from every direction around me.

At first, the voices were faint and then they grew louder and louder and I remember my chest began to rise and fall quicker and quicker. When two of my uncles were so close to the tree I was hiding in that it sounded like they were shouting in each of my ears, I put my hand over my mouth to keep from yelling out. Their fear and panic, and the strained and panicked voices of everyone else, caused me to begin to get frantic, even though I was well aware of where I was and that I was fine. My two uncles passed by and some more aunts and uncles and all four of my grandparents walked swiftly passed my tree, going here, there and everywhere trying to find me. No one thought to look up, and that’s how I overheard from two of my aunts why my parents were so protective of me. After everyone stopped searching in the area where I actually was, that bit of information is what made me get out of the tree and go back to my father’s parents’ home.

On top of the shock of what I’d overheard, I had so many people yelling at me and smacking me upside my head and shaking my shoulders, I didn’t know how to react. I just sat in the chair…

…in the middle of the room…

…and let it all wash over me.

I’d just learned the worst thing anyone could have told me, and I couldn’t tell any of them what I’d overheard.

———-

This is Installment #5 of “The Pride.” If you missed the beginning, go to “The Pride: From the Beginning” to start at the first installment.

———-

Copyright© 2009, Faydra D. Fields, All rights reserved.

William sat at the desk in the room he shared with his little brother. He was trying to find the right words to put on the paper that would convince his father to allow him to move in with him. He reasoned that sending a letter was better than asking over the phone, because he could get all his thoughts out before his father interrupted with questions. William reasoned he could also be proactive in his letter and answer all the questions he could think his Dad would ask.

“Yes,” William responded to the soft rap on his door.

“May I come in?” Naomi’s muffled voice traveled to him through the closed door.

“I’m busy, Mi-Mi. Can you come back later?” William scratched through a sentence on his paper and started it over on the next line.

“I really need to talk with you, Big Brother.” Naomi never called William “Big Brother” unless she really needed to talk. She wasn’t a pest like other people’s little sisters. He liked talking with her, and he respected her. She was actually a great little sister, so he tried to accommodate her whenever he could. She did the same for him when he needed to talk.

“OK. Come in.” William covered the paper with one of his school books. He shifted in his chair to face the door as Naomi turned the knob and pushed it open.

“Hey,” Naomi said as she hugged herself and inched into the room. She closed the door with her back and leaned against it. She stood by the door studying her shoes. William found this odd, since she normally came straight over to his bed and sat across from him while he sat at the desk. He decided not to mention the change.

“Hey,” William said focusing in on his sister’s tear-stained face. “Mi-mi, why are you crying?” When she didn’t answer him, he started to get concerned. “When’s Mother coming home?”

“She’ll be home in about three hours,” Naomi responded without looking up. This caused William to frown slightly.

“What’s on your mind?”

“I have to tell you something, Big Brother. I need to know you won’t go to Mother, please.” Naomi didn’t look up but her tears increased in volume.

“Of course I won’t tell Mother. You keep my secrets. I keep your secrets. What’s wrong, little mama?”

“Don’t call me that, William,” Naomi said through gritted teeth.

“Why not,” William asked good-naturedly, “I always call you little mama.” He was smiling, hoping he could get his sister to smile a little, too. His smile quickly disappeared when Naomi melted to the floor and started crying hysterically into her hands.

“Shhhhhhh.” William rushed from his chair and gathered his little sister into his arms. She was so tiny and thin for her age. He picked her up and carried her over to the chair he’d been sitting in and placed her gently on her bottom. She kept crying, even though he tried to comfort her. When he realized he just needed to let her get it out, he kneeled in front of her and placed her forehead on his shoulder and put his arms around her. He rocked her slowly and tried to remember the last time he’d seen Naomi cry.

Naomi didn’t cry. He’d nicknamed her “little mama,” because she was always so well-collected and organized, just like their mother. She would run the house when Denise wasn’t home. Naomi made sure he and the little ones were fed, the dishes were washed, everyone’s clothes were laundered and ironed and put out for the next day of school, and she even read bedtime stories to Benjamin and Sarah when Denise wasn’t home or was too tired to do it. It hurt him to see Naomi so distraught, but he knew he couldn’t make her talk until she was ready, so he just held her and rocked her.

“William?”

“Yes, lit… I mean, yes, Naomi?”

“William, I think I’m pregnant,” Naomi choked the words out into her brother’s shoulder. She felt him instantly stop rocking. He put one hand on each of her shoulders and pushed himself away from her to look into her face. Her eyes were swollen and red and her nose was running.

“What did you say?” William looked Naomi dead-center in the face. He was sure he’d heard her wrong.

“I think I’m pregnant,” Naomi said again, forcing the words from her throat and trying not to break down crying again.

“What? How? Who?” William let go of Naomi’s shoulders and sat back on the heels of his feet. His mind was telling him to close his gaping mouth, but he couldn’t do it.

“I was stupid, William. I let this boy put his penis between my legs and he wasn’t wearing a condom. It was my first time, and he said he di…” Naomi stopped mid-sentence, as William held up his hands, closed his eyes tight and turned his head to the side.

“Who…the hell is this boy, Mi-Mi,” William could feel the blood rising in his face.

“He’s my boyfriend.”

“Your boyfriend?” William got to his feet and yelled down at the top of his sister’s head. “YOUR BOYFRIEND? YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE A BOYFRIEND, NAOMI!” He saw her shrink into herself and he heard her crying again. He realized he was yelling at her more out of jealousy than out of anger. How was it that his little sister had lost her virginity before him, and he was a boy and closer to being able to date than she was?!?!?

“I know, but all the girls liked him and he liked me,” she said through sniffles and sobs.

“Mi-Mi, we used to tell each other everything! You know everything about me! Everything! Now you’re keeping secrets from me?!?! Mother explicitly told us both we could not have boyfriends or girlfriends until we are 16 years old. Now you’re telling me that not only do you have a boyfriend, you’re letting him put his penis inside your vagina?!?!”

“It was only one ti… Wait a minute. What?” Naomi stopped crying and turned her swollen eyes up to look at her brother. She was confused.

“What do you mean, “What?”! You heard me. You’re letting some little boy put his penis in your vagina, and you don’t even come talk to me before you do that!” William dropped back to the floor with his legs crossed in front of him Native-American style. His shoulders were hunched down and his chin was on his chest.

“Wait a minute. I didn’t let him put his penis in my vagina.” Naomi wiped her tears with the back of her hand.

“Don’t start lying to me now, Naomi. That’s the only way you could be pregnant.”

“What? Wait a minute. That’s not what that song said.”

“What song, Naomi?” William was getting annoyed with her.

“Remember that one we snuck and listened to on the station Mother won’t let us play? The guy said over and over ‘Let me put it between your thighs, so we can make a baby with my nose and your eyes.’ That’s what Kenny did. He put his penis between my thighs and this white stuff came out of his penis and he wasn’t wearing a condom. I got up fast and wiped it off, but I don’t think I got it off fast enough. When I got home, there was still some of it on my thigh dried up and soaking into my skin. Why are you laughing?” Naomi couldn’t see William’s face, but she saw his shoulder’s vibrating like he was sitting in a paint mixer. She frowned and crossed her arms in a huff.

“I’m sorry, little mama. Oops. I mean… I forgot you don’t want me to call you little mama right now,” William was trying to stop laughing, but he couldn’t get himself under control.

“STOP LAUGHING AT ME, WILLIAM! MOTHER IS GOING TO KILL ME AND YOU’RE SITTING HERE LAUGHING AT ME! WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING AT ME?!?! STOP IT! I HATE YOU! IT’S NOT FUNNY!” Naomi popped up from the chair and tried to dash past William, but he grabbed her arm and wrestled her to the floor, hugging her playfully and still laughing. Naomi struggled against him, but William continued to hold her and laugh.

“Woooo! Mi-Mi! Woooo. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute! Woooo! OK, I’m going to stop, I promise. Woooo. For real. Give me a minute,” and William leaned to the side, taking an obviously livid Naomi over with him, in waves of laughter. Naomi struggled to get away from him, more angry than upset at this point.

“Let me go, William! I hate you! Why are you doing this to me? My life is over and you think it’s funny. I bet you won’t be laughing so hard at my funeral! Let me go! I’ll never tell you anything again! Never!” Naomi kept struggling to get away and William kept holding her and laughing.

“What are you all doing,” two little voices said through the closed door. It was Benjamin and Sarah.

“Nothing. Naomi is telling me a funny joke,” William shouted at the closed door. The knob turned and the little ones poked their heads into the room. They saw William laughing like a madman and a scowling Naomi struggling to get out of his embrace. They flung the door open and ran into the room.

“We want to play, too!” Benjamin and Sarah each wrapped themselves around an older sibling and started laughing and pulling. Benjamin twisted William in such a way that William lost his grip on Naomi and she leaped up from the floor and moved away from the mass of arms and legs and giggles.

“Benjamin. Sarah. Leave right now! I’m talking with William.” Naomi stood by the door and held the knob.

“We just wanted to have some fun, too,” Sarah pouted as she realized how angry Naomi was. William figured he’d laughed enough at his sister’s expense, so he helped her get the little ones out of the room.

“OK, you two. Come back later and we’ll play, OK? Right now, Naomi and I need to finish talking. Give me hugs and kisses.” Benjamin and Sarah hugged and kissed their big brother and walked toward the door. As they passed Naomi, Sarah poked her tongue out and rolled her little eyes.

“We like William better, anyway. He’s not always bossing us around,” Sarah said as Naomi closed the door behind them. When Naomi turned back to William, he was standing by his bed with a book in his hand. He was flipping pages.

“Naomi. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have laughed at you, but there’s something you need to read.”

“I don’t want to read anything you have, William. I can’t believe you would…”

“Hush, Naomi, and look at this with me, please. I said I was sorry. I think you’ll laugh, too, when you read this.”

“Um. I doubt it. If it’s not something to tell me how to get un-pregnant, it’s not going to be funny to me.” Naomi left the door behind and walked over to her brother. He offered her the seat at the desk and he placed the book on the flat surface in front of her. Naomi read the header: Human Sexuality and the Developing Teen Body and Mind.

“You’re learning about this in school?”

“Yes, and you will, too, next year. I think it’s why Mother has the ‘no dating before 16′ rule,” William said as he pointed to the part where he wanted her to start reading.

Naomi started reading. Neither of them said a word as Naomi read to the end of that page and flipped to the next page. William stayed next to her, one hand on the desk next to the book and one hand on the back of her chair, leaning over her as she read. When she was done, she closed the book and sat quietly for a few seconds. William backed one or two steps away from her to give her a minute to process what she had just read. For the second time, Naomi popped up from her chair, but she didn’t try to dash past William this time. She jumped up to William’s height and hugged her brother hard around the neck, squealing with delight.

“Thank you, William, thank you,” Naomi said as she exhaled and plopped back onto the chair at the desk. As she did so, her elbow pushed the Human Sexuality book and another book across the desk, exposing the letter that William had been writing before she knocked on the door.

He reached down to move it before she could see what it was about, but he could tell by her expression she’d seen enough to understand why it was hidden.

“Don’t think that means we’re done with the subject of your boyfriend and why you’re playing with fire, young lady,” William said with half-hearted conviction as he looked at the floor, folded the letter and shoved it in his back pocket. He was hoping and praying Naomi wouldn’t press the issue. He wouldn’t be so lucky.

“No secrets, huh? William? Are you trying to leave us?”

———-

This is Installment #4 of “The Pride.” If you missed the beginning, go to “The Pride: From the Beginning” to start at the first installment.

———-

Copyright© 2009, Faydra D. Fields, All rights reserved.